I am not sure what kind of person this makes me. This being the way I responded to hearing about someone else my age who has been placed in less than ideal circumstances.
This news that I have been hit with is not about someone I know, let alone about someone that I am close to. It is merely another human being who lives and breathes and walks upon similar soil that I walk; he also has been doing so for about the same length of time that I have. He is my age.
Without delving into the specifics, this young man has been recently diagnosed with late-stage cancer. A mutual acquaintance of his and mine told me about the diagnosis this evening. Upon finding out, I have been unable to direct my mind toward my habitual pattern of thoughts. It is far more difficult, in this current state, to avoid reality.
I do not consider myself any different than any other human being who roams this earth, yet there are distinguishing characteristics that all of us possess. We are all our own people. Though I cannot say for certain what is hitting me so hard about this news, I feel that this current condition of mine has to do with the fact that this individual is my age. When it comes to myself and this young man, we are more alike than most — simply due to the unalterable materiality of our age. We have spent the same amount of time on this earth.
This is not to say that it does not bother me whenever I hear about something like this happening to anyone not my age or in similar circumstances — because it definitely does. I can’t help but curse life and, in some way; shape; or form, lament our very existence. This is one of those times, certainly. I am having a difficult time shaking this. There are honestly no words, in a situation like this. No words.
Who am I to say these things though? After all, once I finish writing this post, I will probably go back to living my life how I did before. Does it really bother me as much as I am claiming that it does? How could it, if I end up just going back to mindlessly wandering down the road of comforts that I have found myself within?
It is not my intention to take someone else’s experience and spin it into something about myself or my mundane life. I just don’t know what to do. It hurts to hear about things like this. What is the proper response to hearing about a decent young person receiving a diagnosis like this? I do not know the guy, yet I cannot even process it. How do “normal” people deal with things like this? I will never be able to understand it all.
As already stated, this young man is a young man no different than myself. He, along with his precious family, has received the absolute worst news. My imagination fails me. There is no way I would be able to calculate a fraction of the scale of how this affects this man and his family. The only thing I can do is sit here, silently contemplating, perhaps crying, and hoping for the best possible conclusion to this tragic tale.
The only thing that I can say is that I wish that life wasn’t like this, not this way. Please. Anything but this.
I am not in the best state of mind, at the moment, so forgive my inability to articulate coherent thoughts. I just don’t know what else to do. I felt obligated to give in to this compulsion to write. Figured the only thing I could do, given the circumstances, is attempt to write out some stuff. I wish I was capable of helping.
I’ll just end this by stating that I am hoping for the best for this young man and his family, along with everyone else upon this planet that is struggling. I just want all of us to make it. May we all find peace and fulfillment. Please. Please, let it be so.
If you happen to have read this, I appreciate you. I hope all is well.
Take care of yourself,